Friday, August 28, 2009


1. Be Her Sounding Board
When your wife tells you her problems, she isn't necessarily looking for a problem solver. She wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what's going on in her life.
A husband who hears about his wife's problems instinctively wants to come to the rescue. But most of the time, this isn't what your wife is looking for. You need to fill the role more of a psychologist than that of a troubleshooter. Listen to her problems; show concern for those problems; show that you have empathy; but don't always reply with "here's what you need to do."
When your wife comes to you with her problems, she isn't looking for you to be her lawyer. And she certainly doesn't need you to be her football coach, giving her fiery motivational speeches about how to beat her problem. She wants a counsellor, to listen to her problems and help her deal with their emotional impact.

2. Show Respect
A good exercise for every husband is to try to show your wife respect. This dovetails with my previous point, but goes beyond that specific situation.
A major part of showing respect is to avoid the trap of being hyper-critical.
3. Avoid Judgment
When you live with someone every day, it's hard not to build up resentments and overanalyze your partner's every move. But no one is going to stand up to that level of scrutiny. Try not to sweat the little stuff, because it has a way of becoming big rather quickly. If you judge every action or opinion your wife has, that's going to come through in your words and actions.
Your wife is different from you. Of course she isn't going to perceive things the way you do. She's had different life experiences than you, not the least of which is the general experience of living life as a woman. She won't always like what you like. She won't behave like a man does. Apart from sexual needs and having children, that's one of the reasons men get into a relationship. We feel the need for a woman's companionship.
4. Don't Bring Your Own Issues Into the Marriage
As I mentioned earlier, being in a marriage is being part of a team. This means you sometimes have to put your wants or needs second to those of the team.
All of us have emotional baggage. When we marry, we bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. But when your wife comes to you for support, that isn't the time to open up that emotional baggage. There are times when you can unload this stuff on your wife, but not when she needs your support.
5. Know When to Make it About You
Of course, it can't always be about her or the marriage. There are times when your needs should be met. That's the definition of a give-and-take partnership, which is what a marriage should be about.
Tell her how you feel, but don't put her in a defensive position. This means you describe to her how something she does affects you without making your feelings accusatory.
6. Be Affectionate
I know guys don't like being cuddly. Being affectionate after sex takes time and it doesn't make us feel manly, but women need affection sometimes. If you only give them that stuff to get to bed, your wife is going to notice and think it's insincere.
Of course, this goes beyond the bedroom. If you show your wife spontaneous affection occasionally, it reassures her of the love bond.
Mengine ongezea kwa kuweka comments...Cheers!!!!!!!!!

1 comment: